My sister-in-law, Mary, looked me in the eye one day and said, “So D.J., you’re the thinker in the family. Why do you think we’re here?”. I’m sure I gave her a fairly intelligent response for my thirty years, but this is what I’d say thirty years later.
I truly believe we’re here to dispel the illusion of separation that keeps us in a fear-based mode of thinking and feeling. Let’s go to the very beginning, when it all started. I visualize us standing together, with every soul who would ever be born. As we stand side by side on the other side of the great beyond, I’m looking down on the sea of humans from which I can choose to be when I go to earth. I can see each and every day of each life, seeing all the trauma and joy each individual will experience. I choose to be me. The individual next to me asks why I’m choosing one of the harder lives, when I could easily choose an easier path.
I respond that I feel a connection to that life and that even though this is indeed one of the more difficult, traumatic lives, I feel I can make it work. He says that he’s impressed but confused as to why a person would choose a life filled with hurt, anger, disease, feelings of abandonment, financial problems, fidelity problems, depression, self-destructive behaviors, loss, feelings of guilt and shame, violence, etc., I calmly repeat that I feel a connection and look forward to the challenge, as it will be commensurate with the joy of accomplishment, that I can also clearly see. It all ends well, just like in the movies.
It’s now time to go to earth; I chose the time. God doesn’t force, He facilitates, besides, force doesn’t work, choice and learning from consequences does. I feel a fresh breeze and know that I am entering time. I now pass the “veil of forgetfulness” and am born an earthling. I am healthy, cute, sweet, innocent and worthy of all forms of love. I was created equal. My parents were overjoyed and looked at me with love and I seemed to bring them together. My first human feelings were joy and contentment. I felt so warm.
Unfortunately, this didn’t last long. Mom and dad struggled financially, emotionally and spiritually. I did not get much attention and I took it personally, I mean, after all, it must be my fault; they’re the adults. I’m just a kid; what do I know?
This pattern of being afraid and low self-esteem carried on into my relationships. They went from bad to worse and then after years of chasing my tail like a young puppy, something broke the cycle. I got help and after a time, slowly began to realize that I’d been shown a false image of who I was. I began to realize one very important thing: it wasn’t my fault. I’d unwittingly believed the world’s biggest lie, one so pervasive that it snuck up on me one day at a time and before I could figure things out, it became my perception of me. The lie now became my “truth”.
I slowly began rearranging the puzzle of my life and the help I was receiving began slowly to turn into clarity. I was discovering the truth about who I really was. I now understood that God doesn’t make second-hand people, that there are NO second-hand citizens. If it weren’t for the “veil of forgetfulness”, there would have been no challenge to triumph over fear. I would have come here and would have known that it would all end well. There would have been no struggle and thus no growth. I’d figured out how to be happy. I now understood how we need each other to succeed, that we simply can’t do it alone. It seems that if we don’t give, we don’t get. Once again, I felt warm.
Death came and it was time, time to return to the other side. As I entered my new and old existence on the “other” side, all those who had been part of my life on earth welcomed me. They had preceded my death with theirs and it was so joyful to see them again.
After a beautiful visit, I walked up to a water cooler across the way and began talking to a man. He stopped, looked at me and asked if I’d just returned? I said yes and he asked me how it was. I replied that it was hard, very, very hard. I stated that there were so many times when I was scared, so many times when I felt panic and all levels of anxiety. I told him about my life, its struggles, and the feelings of loss, emptiness and guilt at not doing better. I then told him about the joy of finally finding my path, in my case, of finding God and believing that I was worthy of happiness and peace, though the struggle never totally ceased. I’d gotten over some kind of a hump and how things became so much easier. I’d proven myself and came to believe that I was indeed worthy of kindness, joy and that I had earned an inner peace that came from sharing my true feelings without fear of criticism. I’d learned to be me, to insist on it without hurting others in the process. I had learned to relax, that it was OK, that I was more than OK.
My visualization is that we are all individual cells on God’s body, that we collectively comprise all that is knowing, righteous and just. War is like the left arm stabbing the right and that all forms of hurting others, hurts us.
In the end, just like in your favorite movies, there’s a happy ending. This is the same reason that the planets stay aligned, love will always conquer fear and as John Lennon said so clearly, “All you need is love”.
Copyright by D.J. Diebold, CAC, LISAC – 11485